Can you read the stars to predict your fate? Unfortunately, they’re in Braille, but here’s a translation!

ARIES (March 21 – April 20)

Embrace rabbits, good Italian, and the number 26. Avoid bunnies, bad Italian, and death.

TAURUS (April 21 – May 21)

You will run into an old friend, but not if they can help it.

GEMINI (May 22 – June 21)

Be sure to say yes to everything. And could you give me five dollars?

CANCER (June 22 – July 22)

You will get into your favorite college, but only if you can get past security.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

Help only those who strive to help you. It will leave you with a ton of free time.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 23)

Avoid Aries, Tauruses, Geminis, Cancers, Leos, Libras, Scorpios, Sagittariuses, Capricorns, Aquariuses, and Pisces. Please. It’s better for everyone that way.

LIBRA (September 24 – October 23)

You will achieve enlightenment, only to lose it moments later.

SCORPIO (October 24 – November 22)

Success is a two-way street, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re on a tricycle.

SAGITTARIUS (November 23 – December 21)

Keep your chin up and your head down. This may require surgery.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 20)

Stay true to yourself, as always. Stay false to your friends and family, as always.

AQUARIUS (January 21 – February 19)

Always be punctual

PISCES (February 20 – March 20)

Never overestimate your own abilities. You shouldn’t underestimate them, either, but that’d be pretty difficult in your case.