Lately, it seems that virtually every club on campus has used the slogan “WE HAVE SNACKS!” in order to draw in hungry teenagers (yes, The Advocate is guilty of this too). These campaigns are largely successful, with a recent poll revealing that clubs that provide snacks have on average 40% more members. So, in an effort to increase our dismal readership rates by appealing to people’s cravings for food, The Advocate has decided to follow in the steps of major publications and introduce a new column; Advocate Cooking. Delicious, totally safe, and innovative recipes will be released weekly. We have specially-curated recipes for you today, focusing on our favorite food item, the avocado.

Avocado crem-brulee.
Give your avocado a fancy make-over.
You will need:
one avocado
one blowtorch
Step 1: place the avocado on a plate, preferably one of your parents’ nice antique ones. Or, if you don’t have a plate, feel free to just put the avocado on your parents’ bed or car.
Step 2: turn on the blowtorch and flame the avocado until the smoke alarm goes off, so the skin gets that nice golden-brown char.
Step 3: Enjoy!

Guacamole
Make some nice dip for your chips.
You need:
one avocado
one blender
Step 1: put the avocado in the blender. Don’t worry; there is no need to take out its pit or peel it as that is a waste of time. Also, there is no need to put on the lid of the blender.
Step 2: turn on the blender to its highest setting.
Step 3: enjoy!

Boiled avocado
Make a steamy, perfectly-salted avocado.
one avocado
one pot
some water
three pounds of salt
Step 1: fill the pot with water. Put all of the salt in the water. Heat the water until it boils and all of the salt becomes dissolved.
Step 2: Put the avocado in the water. Leave it there unattended for about two hours or until all of the water vaporizes.
Step 3: enjoy!

Avocado pancake
Make the 3D the 2D.
You need:
one avocado
one heavy frying-pan
Step 1: ask your least-favorite sibling to hold the avocado (just kidding on this one: you can instead set the avocado on your least-favorite sibling’s laptop or phone.)
Step 2: smash the avocado with the frying-pan until it becomes a pancake shape.
Step 3: enjoy!

Fresh avocado
It can’t get more simple than this.
You need:
an avocado
Step 1: put the whole avocado in your mouth.
Step 2: chew!
Step 3: enjoy!

Hopefully, these recipes turned out well for you! Check our newspaper next week to see what we do with butter!

*The Advocate is not responsible for damages resulting from these recipes or their misuse.